A dream

Last night, I dreamed that I was living in this beautiful house surrounded by hundreds of huge, vibrant flowers. For some reason, my room was outside on a balcony and it was so warm and lovely.
But, as soon as I brought mother over to show her the beautiful flowers, the sky got dark and it started raining. Before I knew it, my room was being swept over by huge tidal waves. I tried to save as much as I could, but it was really scary.

And so, thinking that this dream probably had some sort of meaning of some sort, I looked it up this morning.

Apparently, tidal waves appear in dreams when one is under a lot of pressure or when significant change is occurring. It may be a an indication that I feel a little overwhelmed, that maybe I fear I won’t be able to cope or adjust with what I see in my own future. Often when one has these sort of dreams there is an area of life that we are not looking at clearly, or that we are avoiding. Tidal wave dreams remind us that if we don’t confront and deal with things that are out of balance in our life, then they will confront us first.

The things that I'm not confronting may be a test I'm afraid of failing, a deadline I feel I won’t be able to meet, or a location or job move I don’t feel ready for. Tidal wave dreams may come because I'm procrastinating (lol), or simply don’t feel prepared. Or as water relates to our emotions, tidal wave dreams can come at the beginning of new relationships. We may even feel overwhelmed at how much we feel for someone.

But tidal wave dreams, like most dreams, often work on many levels. Whether external pressures are dominant in our life or not, tidal wave dreams will often indicate a period of internal change.

So, in other words, I'm experiencing fear of something that's looming in the future--I guess that's true. I'm trying to cram as much as I can before March 27th which is the day of the Placement Test for next semester. My goal is to jump from level 7 to level 10! Haha, it may be somewhat ambitious, so I definitely feel somewhat overwhelmed, but I will do my best! Hopefully, this coming month will be a period of lots of internal change!

Lately, my life has been a roller coaster of emotions. From extreme exhilaration and excitement to utter disappointment and bitterness. But to be able to experience these emotions on my own in a whole different country is amazing in it's own way, don't you think?

I'm communicating in a different language and different culture and yet I'm able to experience happiness and sadness. Despite the language, in the end we're all human beings that can smile and make others smile and feel hurt and hurt others.

To have to deal with these emotions on my own is unbearably difficult, but at the same time, I feel that I can grow ten times as stronger this way. No matter how much I'm rejected, bullied, or ignored, I won't get let it bother me. I won't get upset. I'm not the same me as I was three years ago when I first started college and was terrified of raising my hand. I'm not the same me as I was five years ago when I was in high school when I could barely even talk to the guy I liked. Even though I may not look it, I'm a hundred times stronger than you think I am. If I take the good along with the bad and the happiness along with the pain and put it into my experience banks, I can learn from it all and expand my mind and myself for the future. Life is short, but I still have a long way to go.

Plus, even though I'm often by myself, I'm not alone. No matter how many Japanese friends I make, in the end, my best friends will probably be the other exchange students. Especially the ones at my Japanese level. The most lovely and fascinating people are by far the other people like me who have left their homes to study something as complicated as Japanese.

Yesterday, my class had the last get together at a bar before Kathleen goes back home to California. Hinata was telling me how she admires how I was able to get into level 7 by simply teaching myself. She thinks I speak so nicely and I sound really Japanese. Although I in no way agree that I'm cute or amazing at Japanese, it made me really happy to hear my friends say this. I think all of my classmates admire each other because we all have our own unique skills and our own unique ways of learning this difficult language and living in this difficult culture.

When I first started learning Japanese, Japan looked like a paradise. All my classmates were the same. What you see in books and anime and TV programs are so romanticized that Japan's image to the foreigners is glittering. As I learned more about the world and Japanese culture in school, I saw Japan's bad points, but they were only in books, so they seemed so unrealistic. Still, the good points outweighed the bad. As I started learning the language in a school setting, I started seeing some sides of the language and culture that just seemed ridiculous. For example, the usage of polite language I feel is sometimes utterly absurd. Then, when I came to live in Japan, I gradually saw Japan's faults in a realistic light. There are things about the Japanese culture that I still love, don't get me wrong. But there are also so many things about the Japanese culture that you can only experience by living here everyday, especially as a student of Japanese language. There have been so many things about Japan that I have found so distasteful that it has disillusioned me in a way. There are so many things that I want to rebel against or do just because it's expected as me as a 'foreigner'. Foreigners are expected to be loud, so why not be loud? It's weird to hear English on the train, so why not speak English on the train? At the same time, it's weird to see a foreigner speak Japanese, so why not speak Japanese? Stare at me all you want. I really couldn't care less anymore.

Hinata says that she sees Japan's faults but recognizes every place in the world has its faults and still loves Japan. I still love Japanese. More than that, I just don't want to give up. I don't want to give up just because it's difficult. I don't want to drop it for an easier alternative. I'm just stubborn that way. But, I have yet to fall in love with Japan again. I have a difficult relationship with Japan right now. I've loved the country once, but now that I've seen so many ridiculous things about it, it's hard for me to love it right now. Maybe someday, maybe never, but I still have 5 months to go.      

Looking at Tokyo from above

Yesterday, I went to Nakameguro and went up this tall building. This was the view from the top:

 Somehow, this scene was so much more magical than the view from Tokyo Tower. Everything looks so tiny so it's like a view from a game or something. It's such a crowded city, and yet the way that it just expands endlessly into the distance is breathtaking. I was told that it is even prettier at night. I stayed long enough to see the sunset.

Like all holidays, Japanese people love Valentine's day and it's being advertized like crazy here. And thus, I had to follow Japanese 'tradition' and make handmade chocolates. Well, I make Valentine treats for my friends every year, but this year, my work came out especially good, I think!

These are truffles. Two of them are coated in cocoa and two of them are coated in powdered sugar. I found the recipe in a magazine and it was super easy! I could make these every year haha. Plus, it was super fun to reach out to my feminine side and cook of course.

Tokyo-Edo Museum

On Friday, I went to the Tokyo-Edo Museum in Ryogoku for some cultural exposure outside of my room...

 When I first got to Ryogoku, this is what I saw. Ryogoku is famous for three main things: the Edo-Tokyo Museum, Chanko hot pot (the traditional meal of sumo wrestlers), and Sumo wrestling. The main Sumo ring is located there. I didn't go to see it since you can't go inside, but there were enough Sumo things around the station to satisfy my sumo needs.

 For example, his is a statue with a famous sumo wrestler plus their handprints in bronze.

 When you first get to the museum, you have to cross the famous bridge: Nihonbashi. It splits the museum in half:

On one side of the bridge, you can see Edo period Tokyo--the time of samurai, merchants, daimyo, and rich popular culture. My favorite period in Japanese history~ This is a picture of an outdoor theater.

On the other side of the bridge, you can catch a glimpse of the modern Tokyo. This side covers the Meiji period (1800s) through World War II to 1950s, 60s, 70s, and 80s. This is a picture of a model of the first newspaper building in Tokyo.

First, the Edo side.

 This is a statue of the first ruler of the Edo period who broght peace to Japan after several years of war: Tokugawa Ieyasu.

 A minature Edo style parade.

A close up. I love this little figures.

I also love the little town models of Edo period Japan. They're so intricately made it makes me want to shrink down and join all the tiny people!

 Close up of Edo village in front of a large shop.

 This was probably my favorite part. It shows how Edo style woodblock prints were made! It was so beautiful and so crazily complex looking! It must have taken so much time just to create each block. Then, the blocks were painted with colored ink and pressed on to paper to make hundreds of copies of the same picture. Amazing.

 This is for Jonathan! lol Remember we studied some of the prints called 'One hundred famous views of Edo' in Asian art history?? This is one of the original prints from that series!

 A model of an Edo period light novel shop.

 A model demonstrating childbirth during the Edo period. I thought this was really interesting. The woman had to give childbirth in the sitting position, and then the midwife would wash the baby face down on her lap so that the freshly cut umbilical cord wouldn't get wet. The woman who just gave birth then had to stay inside sitting up in an upright position day and night for a few days afterwards or it was thought that the blood would rush to her head. However, this tradition unfortuantely often had negative effects on the woman's health.

 Edo period style money.

After the Edo period, which was a period when Japan tried to maintain a closed country, there was the Meiji period--a period of 'Enlightenment" when Japan wanted to transform itself into a progressive and basically European country.
I thought this sign was interesting. Although the Japanese version of the sign didn't quite give off the same feeling, the English translation makes me think that there wasn't all happiness behind 'Englightment', as is often the case. For example, with the samurai class abolished, they were often forced into menial jobs such as rickshaw carriers, which was rough work and provided a menial salary.

The first Japanese bank--note the western style building.

A Japanese Roman Catholic church modeled after Russian structure. Apparently, this building is still standing today.

The female Japanese Westernized style of clothing and hair.

 The original 'Gakumon no Susume' by Fukuzawa Yukichi, who founded Keio University!

World War II period Japan:

 Japanese style ice skates!

 A model of a World War II Japanese style room. The windows are taped in case of bombings, the furnishings are sparse, and the toys are even of that time period.

I love these paintings. They were painted at the time of the bombings in Tokyo and depict the terrible effects in ways that I've never seen before. The style kind of reminds me of Diego Rivera's paintings of the Mexican Revolution. 

 The official document of surrender that Japan signed with the US.

1950s~80s Japan:

The refridgerators were so cute and tiny! They're still tiny, though...

Old TVs and radios

1960s Olympics in Japan

The museum was really interesting! Plus, I've always wanted to go, so I'm glad I was finally able to. The descriptions have too many kanji so I can't read them...but some of the descriptions were in English and I listened in to some of the Japanese guides around the museum too. There were also lots of students on field trips! It was really fun to listen in on their conversations too.

"Fuku wa uchi! Oni wa soto!"

Today was 'setsubun'--the last day of winter according to the traditional Japanese calendar. Like all holidays, Japan goes all out with special foods and goods. The traditional food you eat during setsubun is ehoumaki a sushi roll that's supposed to give you good luck. It must contain 7 ingredients (because 7 is a lucky number); it must not be cut (or else you're cutting your luck); you must eat the roll facing the lucky cardinal direction (which changes every year); and it must be eaten in complete silence. Then, fuku mame, literally 'good luck beans', are thrown at the person wearing the 'oni', or 'devil', mask in order to drive bad luck away for the year. The good luck saying is: "Fuku wa uchi! Oni wa soto!" ("Good luck come in! Bad luck go out!")
Since I happened to be shopping at the grocery store today, I saw a lot of advertisement for the beans and sushi rolls. In the end, it really just feels like a commercial movement to fill up the space between New Years and Valentine's Day...but commercialism is one of Japan's big characteristics, right?

Again, since I haven't been good about updating this blog, I have lots of photos saved up! I'll start from last Sunday...

Why do Japanese people only talk to foreigners when they're drunk?
I went to a bar with my level 7 Japanese class and it was really fun. We all got to talk freely and say good things about each other haha.
This is frog! I tried it and it tastes like chicken!

 The design of the bar was really interesting. It was based on 50s Japan and had a bunch of old posters and old merchandise around as decorations and old music playing in the background.

 These are the Japanese people that were sitting at the table next to us. They were Waseda University students and super nice but...I think they were only nice because they were drunk...Why are Japanese people only talkative enough to talk to foreigners when they're drunk? This was the first time that Japanese people came up to talk to me. Ever. The girl apparently spent time in the US and her English pronunciation was really good. This picture was actually a request by the guys. They saw my camera and were like, "Take a picture of us!!!" So I did...

 Our new Japanese friends plus Lisa, In, Hinata, and Kathleen.

Let's get lost together
Literally the day afterwards, me and Hinata went to the Ghibli museum--a place where all of Hayao Miyazaki's animated film goods, illustrations, sculptures and such are displayed. This was the ticket. You can't really tell from the picture, but it's a film strip from one of Miyazaki's films. I can't really tell which movie it's from, but I think it's from Howl's Moving Castle--I hope it's from Howl's Moving Castle! (being that it's my favorite Miyazaki movie)

 This was the Ghibli bus, which takes people from the train station to the museum. But, the museum is only about 10~15 minutes away from the Mitaka station and it's a nice walk so me and Hinata decided to walk.

 Almost there according to the Totoro sign!

 This is the giant Totoro stuffed animal at the beginning of the museum.

 Pictures aren't allowed inside of the museum, but you can take pictures outside. This is a character from one of Miyazaki's films which was on the roof.

 The outside is really cute, but the inside is even cuter. My favorite part was probably the replication of Miyazaki's art studio. The walls were covered in tiny sketches that he had drawn of the characters from his movies. The scenery paintings were also beyond beautiful. Everything was so detailed. It was so cute and so beautiful at the same time.

 A Taste of Home
And then today, I spent all day making a taste of home: lentejas and tortilla de patata.
I was pretty proud of how the lentejas came out! The smell of them boiling and then the flavor they had as I ate them felt like I was right at home! It was a bittersweet feeling...

 The tortilla de patata on the other hand...was a failure...Yeah. I'll just leave it at that. Oh well, the taste wasn't bad. One of the Japanese RAs came into the kitchen and asked what I was making. I told him it was a failure of a tortilla de patata, but he said, "As long as you don't tell anyone it's a failure and how it's supposed to look like, it looks delicious!" That kind of made me feel better...